I noticed that a new member at my rehab session was getting everybody in the group excited, sparking our curiosity. Having a new member join us was nothing unusual; new member, new story. The vibe of passion and sex began to fill the room. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate and look on the bright side of the whole situation, my mind kept drifting off. Since the use of drugs and alcohol wasn’t permitted, I needed to find something else to keep my interest here. I finally came up with an idea: I would just have to focus my attention on someone in the group. According to the other group members, that kind of behavior was just another characteristic of a compulsive person. Great, so there was a medical explanation for this nightmare. Everyone in the group did what they wanted to and blamed addiction for their lack of self-control. There was a whole lot of flirting going on in those sessions, and everyone in the room was either fucking somebody else, or planning to.

It didn’t take very long before one of the members invited me out one night  to see a movie. And what a member, indeed! I accepted his invitation and quenched my deep thirst by giving him head. When a movie theater is empty, anything goes. Inside that dark room, there weren’t any drugs around to ingest, so we decided to get off by devouring each other. Oral sex for who is really thirsty is an immense, surefire way to ensure your satisfaction’s guaranteed. We were merely two teenagers trying to forget the pain of the present by reliving the emotions from a time when ‘tasting candy’ simply meant sucking on lollipops. Everything was getting better, and I began sporting provocative clothes to the group sessions, embarking on a dead-ended romance, free of any risk off withdrawal. I found a motivation to not only fake that I was finally ready to recover in that group environment but also to believe I was a victim of an incurable and progressive disease. But the more they spoke of the personal afflictions that were still impacting their lives, the more I desired to get high.  Over time, that mix of people, who were suppressing their cravings, made me less and less well-behaved and more and more indecent. I was suffering a relapse. Nightmare.

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